She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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