I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
