We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
