Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
