They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
