i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
