How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
