I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sext me about skeletons
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
