I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
