New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
