9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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