I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
