We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
