u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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