I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He shit in the fireplace
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
