We're like a lot better than the average bears
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
