Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
