What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
