Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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