His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
