Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
