just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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