On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
