i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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