My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
