when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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