Say something about gay babies.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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