dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
