spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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