Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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