My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
