highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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