she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
