There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
