he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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