I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
