Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
