sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
