So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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