Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
