I cockslap morals
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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