I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
