how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
