And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
