That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
