operation harelip BJ is a go
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
