fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
