Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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