and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
