How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
